Gloomy

What is it about a rainy Friday that brings you down? Im not sure but I'm feeling a little gloomy. And you know when you can't figure out why you're crying? I hate that. So, of course as usual I start to feel yucky which progresses into will i get into college? which progresses into my lack of a love life, which of course as usual progresses to--yup you guessed it...Ted. Now, to set the record straight ( just so you know -MIKE) I am done with Ted, as a girlfriend that is. The rest, I'm not so sure about. Which sucks, because I go through these stages of I'm so totally done with him, I'm over him, I'm good, u know what? I'm great! But then you get a rainy friday and you remember the roses and the christmas in longwood gardens and the one year anniversary midnight picnic- and all that amazing stuff- but then i have to do a reality check. that was then, this is now- and i dont want to be stuck back then- im not, i think im just kinda wandering around in there to see what it was like, but i really shouldnt be allowed to go back there because that NEVER does me any good at all. which makes me wonder if i am done with him- because i thought that door was closed, maybe i just need a lock, or maybe im just feeling gloomy and want some comfort- Im really really hoping its the second one. But i wish we could be friends, why cant we be normal friends- because i like talking to him, but that only seems to happen once or twice a month, and it sucks because i like talking to him- we had good conversations, we know eachother pretty well and i still want to know what hes up to! but maybe i shouldnt pry, but i didnt think i was--which makes it awkward because it seems like hes not making an effort to talk to me so i dont want to be the butting into his business. But, this is the truth: I don't like him like that anymore, but that doesnt mean it doesnt hurt, it doesnt mean i cant remember the fabulous times we had, but it does mean that i go back and forth on the ted issue- not as much as i used to, but on some rare rainy days i do. and it makes me feel gloomy.