Off to Moose Country!

Well, tomorrow morning- we'll pile into the car and enjoy 7 solid hours of Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, maybe some country music, and all of the DVDs we can stand. Yes, its that time again kids- New Hampshire! Its that time of year when the Heinze family comes together for 7 staright days of bonding like we've never bonded before. Dad's laptop is left at home, Sara's pimp crew is back in Philly, mom doesnt cook, and cell phones are useless because the giant moose antlers are blocking all of the satellites- therefore, the service and reception is non-exsistent. What does that leave us with you ask? Four Heinze's with a lot of time on their hands in a $3.2 million house in the little town of Wolfeboro, NH which sits directly on Lake Winnepasaukee- but that will be frozen over...which means ice skating! We eat, we laugh, and we play alot of Scrabble. Sara and I will watch the New Years fireworks that are done over the Lake, but we'll be watching it in the hot tub outside and hopefully it will be snowing. Sara and I will sleep in a different bedroom every night. Why? Because there are 9 of them and we can. We'll rock out in our pajamas and socks and slide around -dancing- on the heated marble floors. We'll eat as much clam chowder as possible, and lay around the house in one of the 16 couches on the first floor. Yes, it gets boring sometimes, and of course I'd love to be spending New Years at home with friends-but Ive learned to appreciate New Years in NH with no one to kiss but the dog. And this year won't be any different! So all aboard the Lexus at 9AM Monday morning- one bathroom stop for the car trip -otherwise cross your legs and dont drink any water because we're not stopping! The Heinze's are off again.

Happy Girl

Just generally happy right now. Not sure why, not sure how, and not sure when it will end, but I'm just happy with my life. I'm into a great college, I have great friends, I'm getting good grades, and I'm happy being single (at least for the moment) I like being independent, being my own person, being whoever I want to be in that exact moment- without having to worry about calling someone everynight, depending on them- i want to be dependent on myself! Ok, this is starting to sound very "girl power-ish" don't you think? anyway, I'm happy- it's christmas, my favorite time of year and Ive been singing Mariah in the car like its my job. And then its a whole new year a fresh start (last one wasnt so great) this is going to be a great year a fabulous new experience! ok, ok ill stop kinda makes you wanna throw up huh? too bad im loving it!

Some good news and Some bad news

So, what do you want first the good or the bad? lets start with the bad because its most recent. This morning I woke up to father crying my sister locked in her room and my mom telling me we were going to put minnie to sleep today. She said that she couldn't walk anymore, that she hadn't eaten in four days (all of this I knew but I just didnt want to accept) and now she wasnt even recognizing my dad- her best friend. She would get lost in the house, and just have no idea where she was. It was time- it was time for Minnie to be happy, to be out of pain, to be smiling again. But how do you let go of something you've loved for so long? You realize she wants to be with you, but she needs to be out of pain. You have to let go of something you love, to be able to cherish all you had with them. Someone like Minnie- so innocent and helpless would have done anything for me or my family- and now we had to do this for her.
Now that my parents are home from the vet's, with minnie's clay paw print the doctor took during her last few minutes, I myself, am just trying not to think about it. I just want to be emotioness about the whole situation, but since i cant or maybe shouldnt be- its a happy cry, just know that its a joyful cry.
So I guess you want the good news? Well, on friday i was accepted to The George Washington University- and I want to be happy about it, I want to tell as many people as I can- but my house isn't exactly celebration central right now.

Sucks Don't it?

Thank you for applying as an early decision 1 candidate to The George Washington University. We have reviewed your application for early decision to the School of Media and Public Affairs, but are unable to admit you to the Media program. I am writing to determine if you wish us to consider your application for binding early decision to the Columbian College of Arts and Sciences, or if you wish us to withdraw your application from further consideration.

Ouch

Minnie

My best friend in the whole wide world. The one who I come home to and she just looks at me with those big brown eyes and I know she has been waiting for me all day just for me to smile and love her. She's going to be 15 in August but I don't she will be seeing that birthday. My Minnie dog hasn't touched her food in three days. I've tried everything, canned dog food, scrambled eggs, cereal, cheese, anything. She just isn't hungry. She drinks a lot of water but I know that is because her arthritis medicine is taking a toll on her kidneys- but it's not like she going to stop taking the medcine that keeps her from hurting! The goal is to keep her happy and out of pain and enjoying her last few months? weeks? days? I don't know how long. But I wish a friendship didn't have to end. The end of an era- so it sounds stupid, a girl and her dog, but I don't care she's been there through everything. I remember when we moved to my new house- I was 4 she was 1- then I went to kindergarten and she was 5 then I graduated and came to SS and went through a rough adjustment period- but she was there! I remember watching her bound through the snow in the front yard and having to pull the snowballs out of her hair when we came inside and sat by the fireplace to warm up. But now, I'm going to college and having to leave her but she may leave me first. I don't know how Im going to deal with it- but I know she'll be out of pain but still in my heart.

O Christmas Tree

So, a remark after reading my last entry a little later on- never compromise your standards. ever. That's what I think.
i just got my christmas tree! its beautiful! the family tree is nice and big and I can't wait to put the ornaments on! Mine and sara's tree-Penelope, is fabulous...we picked the tree we thought no one else would pick so it wouldn't get lonely and sad when all of its friends were going to nice homes, and she had to stand out there in the cold. So, Penelope is a little thin, but tall and has a few bare spots but we'll dress her well. I'm so excited! But now, I must go and scoop the ice cream! never deny the wonders of multi-folded ice cream.

Gloomy

What is it about a rainy Friday that brings you down? Im not sure but I'm feeling a little gloomy. And you know when you can't figure out why you're crying? I hate that. So, of course as usual I start to feel yucky which progresses into will i get into college? which progresses into my lack of a love life, which of course as usual progresses to--yup you guessed it...Ted. Now, to set the record straight ( just so you know -MIKE) I am done with Ted, as a girlfriend that is. The rest, I'm not so sure about. Which sucks, because I go through these stages of I'm so totally done with him, I'm over him, I'm good, u know what? I'm great! But then you get a rainy friday and you remember the roses and the christmas in longwood gardens and the one year anniversary midnight picnic- and all that amazing stuff- but then i have to do a reality check. that was then, this is now- and i dont want to be stuck back then- im not, i think im just kinda wandering around in there to see what it was like, but i really shouldnt be allowed to go back there because that NEVER does me any good at all. which makes me wonder if i am done with him- because i thought that door was closed, maybe i just need a lock, or maybe im just feeling gloomy and want some comfort- Im really really hoping its the second one. But i wish we could be friends, why cant we be normal friends- because i like talking to him, but that only seems to happen once or twice a month, and it sucks because i like talking to him- we had good conversations, we know eachother pretty well and i still want to know what hes up to! but maybe i shouldnt pry, but i didnt think i was--which makes it awkward because it seems like hes not making an effort to talk to me so i dont want to be the butting into his business. But, this is the truth: I don't like him like that anymore, but that doesnt mean it doesnt hurt, it doesnt mean i cant remember the fabulous times we had, but it does mean that i go back and forth on the ted issue- not as much as i used to, but on some rare rainy days i do. and it makes me feel gloomy.

Justa Thinkin

Fun day today, not sure why but it went quickly and I enjoyed it very much so. I did some flirting today- and I like that...a lot, but for jeff's sake he's making me apologize to all of the boys that i apparently "toy with their minds and they aren't able to handle my boobs." so im sorry, very sorry next time i'll try to "hide the goods" as beers puts it.
But, lets see today...my poor sweetheart tried to express herself and pour her heart out but he wouldnt listen-well im listening and i still think you're hott! what else?
ummm, i worked on my dance today and its not working out so much, im losing my spunk (is that possible?) i dont know, but it was donught day in latin and i like latin for reasons other than latin so that was a nice way to end the day- and then of course so is mr. stevens...oooo mr. stevens my love, even when hes talking about the grossest stuff in our book (and when i say gross i mean a toddler eating the legs off a bird) stevens is still the most fabulous man ever- well i wouldnt say hes hot like leo dicaprio hot, but id say hes attractive in an older man sorta way. so getting off that topic- the hip hop dance is incredible! so y'all better come this week on friday afternoon to learn the coolest dance ever!!

well, considering i did no homework last night and race and gender could be really ugly tonight i should go get started- but grammas here! yay- i missed her!! and i hear from GW a week from today!! kinda scary but im sooooo ready to get some news!!

Waiting

Its like I'm limbo-ing. Checking the mail like a maniac, hoping, wishing, praying, that I have some ounce of a shot at the rest of my life...a.k.a college. I'm not afraid to leave home (anymore) and I'm not afraid of classes or teachers or roomates or campus life. What am I afraid of? Not finding any friends. Thats a stupid fear, I know, but its real for me. I want somebody I can truly connect with, someone I can go to when I do get homesick or when I want to go out at night or I need to pull an allnighter before a final. Do you find those people at college? and if you do, does everybody? I need to find a niche just to make sure I'm not doing this whole college thing alone. Why do blogs always turn out so depressing? I'm sorry to depress you! Lets move on...
Ok, so my dance in Choreography class- "off the hook" in the words of craolina!! i m not so much into that interpretive dance thing, I'm more modern, hip hop, super fun and hot thing. And school? hmmm kinda numb to it right now- just chugging along through the days. i really want some inspiration or distraction of some kind. Something very new and very exciting...any ideas??

Badong

A Ba-dunk-a-dunk

I have a ba-dunk-a-dunk, hmmm thanks gabe ( i think?!) So Hip Hop Club, amazing. y'all shoulda been there to pop a lock with me! actually, the awkward barrier was about the size of the Hoover Dam, but FYI I'm determined to learn the Harlem Shake. I think the best part was after Hip Hop Club was over ( and Mr. Feliz was finished moonwalking...awkward) me, greg, gabe, heinze, and mike went down to the recital hall to bust a move. For about an hour we watched gabe shake his tailfeather like a woman to britney's "Toxic" let me tell you Britney has some competition, ain't nobody ready for gabe's jelly! That boy can shake it like Beyonce. And of course Greg smooth as usual making me really angry he wasnt at the homecoming dance- because he is SO hot when he dances!! and of course mike...who knew mike had skills on the dancefloor? certainly not me! well he proved me wrong and i was quite impressed!

Pastorious- oh the gossipy car ride was most likely the best part....BOYS, oh boys who needs them. well aparently some people do- and I hope she doesnt get caught by her parents tonight when she has him over for some lovin'. And the other one--we all know you're hot and you're cute and he does too, so you need to stop being shy and jump on him. like now. so annie i guess that leaves me and you darlin. and the most depressing part was annie saying: "kels, I don't have a prom date." Ok, first of all lets get into college first (WOOD!) and secondly, its DECEMBER who is thinking about prom now?? i dont wanna right now! the whole boyless thing isnt, well, enjoyable but its working for me right now. I'm keeping myself busy by flirting :) and checking the mail like a maniac for a GW letter, and enjoying the company of my friends who i will have to leave a lot sooner than i think (who knew december would come so quickly?) Its like heather and i were talking about yesterday, remember when 2005 was so far away? our graduation year seemed like lightyears from now- and in a matter of 3 weeks it will be 2005. weird. So getting back to Pastorious, afterwards there was a very nice congregating at starbucks until around 11 when we got kicked out and then decided to stand in the cold for another 20 minutes and talk--can we say heat please? but at least heinze was warm because bob cuddled her. i think im beginning to be ok with those two- it could be a lot worse right?

so for right now, its playing mom for the weekend cause the rents are out again. The dog threw up on the carpet this morning-lovely wake up call right? and im cleaning a lot because gramma is coming tomorrow!!! yay! and its christmas time!!! sleigh bells ring! are you listening?

College and such....

I do believe I've never been more prouder (yes thats a word) of my sweet Heather. All growed up and I can't stand it- I mean yesterday the girl broke out the butt dance in the hallway, and now she's going to college? But this isnt even college... this is New York city- this is a city that makes or breaks you, and heather, you better make it darlin, and make it big. Some day I will come up to see you on your very own rock star stage and of course bringing with me: Jude Law, Mr. Martin and Mr. Stevens and we will all be jaw dropped and amazed and we will all marry you right then and there! You go girl, I'm so proud of you!!

So, today was uneventful as usual but I am quite pleased with my recent realization of a certain boy that I FINALLY realize I need NOTHING to do with! He didnt make me unhappy but he didnt make me happy- so why bother? I have so moved on and I figured out why had gone back to him in the first place (OK this epiphanic---thats an adjective for epiphany in case you were wondering) moment is so amazing- ok here goes: I don't love him anymore, but that doesnt mean it doesnt hurt. Thats it, thats all there is to it- thats why i needed to go back one more time. I needed to comfort myself. Well consider me down conforted with duck feathers and a fleece lining because I have been comforted and now I am moving on! So go me. I am not seeking out any kind of boyfriend but if one should happen to enter into the picture....I might be open to it. Ok so friends, crushes, boys, in general why must we be so dramatic? I like being friends and I think flirting is fun, but thats all I want-at least thats what I think I want- I want to get to know you as a friends with no pressuring of anything else.
But friends are the best- really, I mean who won't agree with me on that? I love my girlfriends (granted, all we ever talk about are boys and college and gossip) and I love my guy friends (they are always always there to give you a compliment that just brightens your day, no matter what- those boys (my boys at least) would be there if i ever needed anything, ever! And I cant be more grateful for them- so thank you boys.

And Beers- tell your strawberry milkshake I said hello
Heather: You're a sexpot and you're in college
Annie: Tell Tkac to shove it
Maggie: we should offroad in Chestnut Hill more often
Mike: i will never forget the 4 kinds of pretty- it rocks my world
Tilly: without fail you are the coolest one around and you better stay the way you are forever and ever because you make me smile.